hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
