is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
