Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
