What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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