bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
