U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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