best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
