I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
