hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.