birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.