when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
