I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
