she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
