You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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