ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
