Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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