FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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