For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
