You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
