i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize