i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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