No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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