Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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