We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
