sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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