how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
