I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
