We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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