I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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