This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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