he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Your cock deserves a montage
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
