You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
