How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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