I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
