i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
nutella sex= disaster
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
