i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
