Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
