Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
