Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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