you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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