i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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