Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize