Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
