I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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