They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
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ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station