if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
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You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!