it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants