my soul wont recognize me after tonight
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.