I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The struggles of a small town man whore