There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
