Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
