Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
