please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
pray to the hookup gods
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
