i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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