I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
