i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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