Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
