drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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