We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
