Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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