idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
