Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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