Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
