She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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