i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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