I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
