Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
