Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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