dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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