How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
