remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
