I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
