I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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