Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
