I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
