some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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