I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
