Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
