she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
